Comparison
The fifth newsletter displays the theme of “Comparison.”
*TRIGGER WARNING: I am discussing body image*
In week two our affirmation of the week was “Comparison is the thief of joy, I am enough.” This is something I am trying to get myself to understand and shutdown comparisons more naturally as it is exhausting constantly catching myself. The background of my phone has a little reminder in the corner. Does this mean I am a pro at not comparing myself to others and am now going to give you my “Top 25 tips and tricks to beat comparing yourself” absolutely not, that is not what this space is for. I am aware that I am human and if I have a good week one week does not necessarily mean the next I will be just as okay.
I have been comparing myself since I could write full sentences and I am sure a lot of you have to. With social media at the forefront of our minds it is more than likely that the person you are comparing yourself to is likely struggling with the same thing.
I mean we all do it, how can we not? We know it isn’t healthy but there is no way of preventing it from happening unless you are buddha.
This thought of comparison came into my head about a week ago when I saw someone I newly followed on social media post a photo in a bikini. I was instantly shocked as I had only seen her head in photos and videos and just assumed she was on the leaner side of the body types. But she had curvy legs like myself. What startled me was how much I admired her beauty, I mean she is gorgeous, her name is Isabelle Clarke and she has many followers across the platforms of Instagram, Tiktok and Youtube. Seeing this video of Isabelle Clarke actually made me appreciate my body so much more that night when I looked in the mirror. Ever since I have been more loving towards my curves.
Something I have struggled with ever since landing myself in a healthy relationship over a year ago is my body image. I spent so much unnecessary time worrying about what I looked like and it wasn’t for myself, I convinced myself it was for my boyfriend. But he has held my hair back when I have thrown up over a million times, he’s slept next to me when I haven’t showered for days because we are road tripping. He’s seen me at my worst and he’s still loved me so of course to him the way I look is perfectly fine just the way I am.
Social media has placed such a large pressure on women today to be sexy and looking their best 24/7. I am still working on not comparing myself but what I have found is recognising that, even a woman like Angelina Jolie, still has her ugly moments, we just don’t get to see them. That’s the thing with social media, we only see what people show us and if all us girls want to be seen as the best version of themselves then guess what we are all going to put out there. In relationships, even when you are single, you have your ugly moments, you have your days (particularly during your period) where you feel like you don’t even recognise your own reflection you look that bad. And probably if you are thinking that way you are going to project that into the universe. The worst part about these moments though is that to those around us we probably look the exact same but we don’t get to see that view, we only have the image of ourselves in our head unless we stand in front of a mirror all day. We can get all the work done we want, wear as much makeup and our most flattering outfit but that isn’t going to silence our insecurities when someone else walks past us in a more flattering outfit. The best place to start is upstairs. Knock on the door and have a chat with yourself, whether it be out loud (like you are talking on a podcast) or internally, remind yourself you are human.
The best piece of advice I have given to myself while journalling is this:
Recognise first and foremost that you are human, then recognise that whoever you are comparing yourself to is also human. What I mean by this is I think of the cute things I do myself that I feel like are adorable or maybe my partner will tell me are adorable hobbies of mine, like watering my plants and having a chat to them while I do it. I’ll look at my plant called Fred and say “Hey Fred, how are you today?” (Call me crazy but I think it makes them healthier). Now imagine whoever you are comparing yourself to doing that cute thing. Now we could tear the other woman down and picture them ugly crying but I personally believe that level of negativity doesn’t really help the matter. If I imagine them also watering and talking to their plants it reminds me that everyone has their quirks, everyone has their little things that makes us human, we aren’t bombshells constantly, they aren’t either, its just how the media allows us to depict them.
Moral of the story is, remind yourself that you are human and that they are human too and if that doesn’t help you, unfollowing this person for a short period of time isn’t going to hurt.
The Comparison of Your Life to Others
Now in a post lockdown world it feels like we are constantly playing catch up to tick off each bucket list item. This may just be me experiencing my twenties for the first time. Either way it’s important to bring ourselves back to the present. Think about where you are at now, what is your favourite thing to do when you have a free moment? Does it involve driving somewhere? Remember when you were 16 and couldn’t wait for the days you could drive yourself around for once? Now what about education, are you studying or not? If you are studying is it something you’ve always wanted to do and now you are finally there? Are you almost at the finish line of your course? If you aren’t studying, are you appreciating the break from education you dreamed about during those final gruelling years of high school? I know you may not be in Europe now like the rest of Victoria but stop and appreciate who’s still here with you. How many times have you called your parents this week? When was the last time you gave a friend a hug? Do so now. You are in control of your own life. You have the power to make changes if you aren’t happy. It’s scary and it’s hard but the moral of the story is if you change your mindset that will make it one step easier.
